Co-Parenting over the Holidays: Adelphi Parenting Experts Weigh In
Garden City, NY (12/13/2022) — With the holidays coming up, many families with divorced or split parents will be navigating their celebration plans. This task can often be difficult, leading to disagreements between the co-parents leaving the children feeling uneasy or confused. Joaniko Kohchi, MPhil, LCSW, IECMH-E, director of Adelphi University's Institute for Parenting, brought the topic to her Postgraduate Child & Adolescent Psychotherapy class. Here is a summary of the class discussion that may be helpful for families.
"First and foremost, children should have confidence that all their parents are working together to make the holidays a combination of relaxing and exciting," reported Kohchi. "This includes their own unique traditions and family-time recipes, whether predictable (as in alternating Christmas Eves and mornings), or newly created each year." She continued, "It is good to reflect on how holidays have always been shared with your partner's friends and/or family to gain insight about what may be important for each."
Kohchi offered that when it comes to making these decisions, parents should keep in mind their individual child/ren, including the child/ren's age/s as well as their developmental capacities, how the separation has been explained to the child (and what they understand about it), as well as the needs of all involved families.
"A positive co-parenting goal would share the understanding that the child will likely have ambivalent feelings, and will need their parents to support their relationships with all parents," said Kohchi.
Kohchi also suggests that parents make agreements in advance to limit any last minute schedule changes and vacation times. "While it is good to listen to your child's wishes, the child should not have to pick a side or a parent; it is the responsibility of the adults to guide a balanced schedule even if one household has fewer resources or activities."
Those seeking parental guidance can reach out to the Warmline run by Adelphi's Institute for Parenting at 516.515.1948.
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Those seeking parental guidance can reach out to the Warmline run by Adelphi’s Institute for Parenting at 516.515.1948.